Somehow, I didn't think today would be harder, but somehow it is. I was going to find a new focus today, something different, but days don't always go as planned. My morning started early with a grand plan(well maybe not grand, but one Anna would have appreciated, I mean it was snail mail after all), but as words flowed through my mind, i woke early and didn't fall back asleep, so I ended up fighting heavy eyes all days, and the day wasn't as bright as the morning. So my grand plan was to send a postcard, one to go with the one I sent on Friday, but would arrive either with or before the previous postcard, but in order to do that I had to be at the post office in town, soon after it opened. I carefully selected my postcard (didn't have time to make one, that takes more time and thought process than I had time for), neatly wrote my message, affixed the apple stamp, and set off for the post which opens at 8:30 AM. Unfortunately, in order to drop it at the post office and make today's mail bag, I knew I wouldn't get to work as early as I anticipated (which was fine, because I knew i didn't have an appt till 10). All went well ....until 8:55 AM, just over the viaduct, the light turned green and i headed for the office knowing I would be just a little earlier than my anticipated 9 o'clock adjusted arrival arrival. Then I felt a jolt, initially I was so confused, didn't know what had happened, but then realized someone had hit me from behind. So, it all worked out okay, but I was later than anticipated, still made it to my appts on time today. Also it meant finding time for an estimate on my car, which worked out too, my coworker gave me the name of a good place on my way home from work and I stopped and got an estimate already.
However, standing on the streets of Massillon, reminded me of catching Anna on a walk, while I was going to see patients one day and she still lived in town. Oh to be transported back to that day. Just to say hello. How is it that just knowing someone isn't there, makes you miss them all the more. However tonight in my apartment, sounds are wafting through the waves of time, or almost are. I stand in the kitchen and can almost hear her laugh. My subconsious mind seems to be recalling a memory of her sitting my living room while I was in the kitchen, some one else must have been here, because honestly I can almost hear her laughing.
Well, Z, just so you know this exercise in writing tonight has helped me refocus. It was the same day, and maybe still held some frustrations, but now I am focused on the fact that I got my postcard mailed - I wouldn't trade that even not to get rear ended, had a good day at work - which included washing, vacuuming, and wiping out my work car, I got my estimate done rather easily, and I had opportunity to read a poem Anna had shared several months ago - which I had really liked, though bittersweet, I so love daffodils.
Here is the poem:
To Daffodils
by Robert Herrick
Fair daffodils, we weep to see
You haste away so soon;
As yet the early-rising sun
Has not attain'd his noon.
Stay, say,
Until the hasting day
Has run
But to the even-song; And, having pray'd together, we
Will go with you along.
We have short time to stay, as you,
We have as short a spring;
As quick a growth to meet decay
As you, or anything.
We die
As your hours do, and dry
Away
Like to the summer's rain
Or as the pearls of morning's dew,
Ne'er to be found again.
I can't pick you any daffodils this time of year, but take some time to write, Z, perhaps it will help you too. Now Z, write....write......write.
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