In the midst of grief and loosing a friend, and working to find a way to be of support to a family left without their wife, daughter, and sister, I amazed at the many times I have seen God in the past week and a half. Since going to Costa Rica this summer, the youth from church and I have been challenged to keep our eyes open and seek to see God working every day. I will admit in the last month I have struggled to take time to pay attention each day and look specifically for God's hand, but I have been working to get back in the habit, especially as we just finished a Bible study at church about listening for the God speaking to us. This week I must say God has shown me many times that he is here and working, in spite of the sorrow of loosing a friend.
It started even before last Sunday. The first thing I keep thinking of happened even over a month ago. My fall party. I always enjoy the fall party and look forward to it, we were having some trouble finding a date, and someone said that maybe we would just not have one this year, I still wanted to do it, but it was a little frustrating, however as soon as it was known that Anna had asked when it would be, there was no question, it would happen. I have never had it on a Sunday evening, but that is when it would work, so that is when it would be. The day came and the weather was a little questionable, but I said as long as it wasn't raining, it would still happen. A couple of people even called to ask about if it was still happening because it was raining. I said it is not raining here, we are going ahead with it. There were a few raindrops around, but they did not penetrate the wooded canopy where we gathered. We had 50 guests, some new friends, some old friends, but all had an enjoyable time. I had been worried that maybe Anna would not feel up to it, but she was able to come and stayed for most the afternoon/evening, they were just ready to leave as we arrived back from the hayride. It was one of the best fall parties and I remember thanking God for keeping his umbrella over us that afternoon.
Going forward. I think God was whispering in my ear that the time for Anna to go home was getting closer even though I didn't want to hear it. Especially as last week progressed, even though I hadn't spoken with or seen Anna and Joe, possibly even since the fall party. Things were quieter and the little pieces I would get were from my sister and from caring bridge, and in the back of my mind I began to realize she was struggling more, but I kept it there in the back of my mind. However, it was there when I sent an email to plan for another spa night, and when I asked friends about times for a get together sometime before New Year's, and it was there when I tried to reassure my sister when she would be discouraged.
Then on Friday morning, Anna was on my mind and I thought I ought to send her a postcard, even though it didn't get there before Sunday, I think it was God giving me opportunity to look back without regret of thinking I hadn't been thinking of Anna the last few weeks. And God even spoke to me encouragement through the words I wrote her when I looked back at the card this week (it was a touchnote postcard, so I had a copy on my account). And Friday night as I was home with not much to do I decided to make taco soup to use up some lamb burger and a can of pinto beans I had. I set out all the ingredients Friday night (except for the meat). Saturday I woke up early and had it ready for the crockpot by 8 am. I remember thinking this is ridiculous making a pot of soup for 10-12 people for just myself, but oh well, then just as I was ready to start it cooking, I thought to myself, I am going to Canton, I should see if mom wants to go and we will go to Bombay Sitar, I have been telling her a long time that I will take her. I promptly called her and she said she would enjoy that. I took the pot out and stuck it in the refrigerator, and remembering that we had a church carry in on Sunday decided to take it there, though in my mind I thought, I don't really want to take soup. Well I didn't take soup to the carry in Sunday, God had provided lunch for a grieving family.
Saturday evening came and I was typing away on my blog, knowing that Friday evening Anna had gone on hospice. I had gotten a message that I could come up to see her if I wanted, it was 11 o'clock and since I was typing away, I didn't see the message right away, and I don't usually go visiting neighbors at that hour, however I wasn't sure so I texted back now or tomorrow- still not really knowing how short time was, but didn't get an answer, so I went to bed after a bit. I awoke around 4:40 am to find a couple returned texts, to come early Sunday morning and that it was probably the final hours and could I let my family know. I am one who struggles to be bold and I didn't really want to show up at my neighbors at 5 am, so I trusted God would let me know if I needed to go sooner than later and I worked on a few things and got ready in something that I could wear for church, so that if I stayed a while I could go right to church if I wanted. Strangely, I thought if it is her final hours I wanted to take a house warming gift - okay what kind of strange thought is that, the thing that came to me to take was a tin of Comfort and Joy tea. I have no idea, but I can only attribute it to God, I just pray that it brings some Comfort and Joy to those grieving. I put on the crockpot of soup and headed up to their house shortly after I had heard back from Joe to come anytime. I was privileged to see Anna one last time, feel her squeeze my hand, tell her my sister wished she could be there, sing some songs with the family, and with her family, keep her company as she left this world for her home in heaven. God's timing. It brought comfort also to my sister and another close friend who both told me that they were glad that I could be there when they couldn't. Trust God to orchestrate such things.
And yet there is more. On Tuesday when things seemed to be getting harder, I set to typing on my blog in the evening and God opened my eyes to the good things that had happened, in spite of the things that seemed to be going wrong and grief more overwhelming, God had spoken to me, and continued to speak to me the rest of the week as he opened my eyes to good things when my focus could have been entirely different.
On to Thursday. I was helping my mom at a fundraiser, helping lady's make Christmas craft projects and after lunch I was able to make a project myself if wanted. I was waffling when an idea came to mind to combine two projects together and give it to Joe rather than flowers. The one project was poetry spoons and with help from Janelle we found words that reminded us of Anna to put on them, we struggled a little with what words to put together to convey the way Anna kept on living while the cancer was trying to take her from us, finally we came up with "courage to live everyday", we both immediately said that is it. Later that afternoon at the funeral, Joe spoke and during his reflections he said that exact phrase that she had courage to live everyday. I have no idea if he liked the box we gave him, but once again I saw God's hand and I know it has its purpose.
One more thing to share, well two more. Going to the calling hours, I knew my parents and sister were going a little after they started, but not too late since they had company in town, but we did not set a meeting time. After work, I went home, had a terrible time deciding what to wear and headed out only to find myself only about 4 people behind them in line - yes I jumped the line. Then on Saturday before the funeral, I had been at mom and dad's working with my sister on the poetry spoons and the final touches and mom kept after me, if you need to go home yet, you better get going. Finally, I finished tinkering with the project, I headed home with only a little time to get ready if I wanted to get to the church around the time of the rest of my family. When I got to the church, I didn't see them and couldn't locate anyone that I really knew to sit with, but I was feeling odd lurking at the back of the church perusing the crowd for my family and decided I would go ahead and sit. As I sat there by myself, I prayed that whoever was seated next to me would be someone I knew so I wouldn't have to sit alone for the funeral. I continued to pray as people continued to be seated all around, but the end of my bench remained empty. God answered my prayer, as after a little while my good friend and housemate of 6 years, and her husband, were seated next to me.
Though you may not see the birds in the tree, I heard them, singing to the morning, as I left for work Friday morning, and though it was rainy, it made my day glorious despite my evening plans.
Keep your eyes open for God, he is all around us, but sometimes we forget to look.
No comments:
Post a Comment