Hats of to Z!!!

 

Well, I managed to get my computer back.  Many keystrokes on this keyboard the last several days, but not by my fingers.  I won't complain - Z's a winner!  I was worried, but I shouldn't have been, she always pulls through in the waning hours of NaNoWriMo with thousands of words, to hit the coveted 50, 000 words.  She actually managed it on the 29th this year.  Way to go.  I am proud of my sis.  I wish Anna was here to celebrate with her, as she has always been a faithful supported and encourage of my sister, in NaNoWriMo as well as many other areas of life.  So hats off to Z, way to persevere, now 25,000 more words and written copy for me by Dec. 23, got that Z.  Truthfully, it shouldn't be a problem considering you managed over 20, 000 words in 3 days.  

So hats off for you Z!

 Now November is over......what will happen to this NaNoWriMo Rebel..................

Thanksgiving

What am I thankful for?  So many things.  I am thankful for my family and the wonderful day we had.  Strangely for the snow, typically that wouldn’t be at the top of my list, but it made it fun taking pictures.  Opportunities to play with my camera.  Opportunities to express myself artistically.  My mom who also has some artistic interest.  Making a blanket top today.  My sister.  My brother.  My mom and dad.    Just hanging out together.  Being able to thank the Lord for so much this year, blessings, visiting with my grandmother one last time before she left her earthly home.  All the times I called her on the phone, though sometimes not as often as I think I should have, but everytime I do or think of something I want to tell her, I am grateful for the many times I did call her.  Memories of my grandmother who passed away 17 years ago.  Saffron, chicken stuffing, chestnuts, gardening, M&M’s in a pill bottle, and many other things.  A joy of running that I never had before, even though it is still not my favorite thing to do.  Hikes in the woods.  Opportunities to see God.  My trip to Costa Rica with the youth.  Seeing the youth experience God in a new way.  Safety.  Health.  My eye sight.  So many things to be thankful for.  My friends, my neighbors, God’s hand in celebrating and mourning with my church family.

Well, here are some documentary and portrait type pictures of my Thanksgiving day.

Figuring out the shot.

Looking every which way.

Ahh...what a fun time, why aren't you joining us?!?

Prepping the Ram.

Some more ram training.

The Jolly Farmers.

How about some holly?

Or maybe some corn?

Now I know where to go for food.

Back home again.

Z says just a couple more shots.

Pray you had a good Thanksgiving.

Seeing Things Differently

So I have been wishing I had my camera all day.  When I left for work, I thought about taking it with me, to snap a few pictures before I came home, but I didn't want to leave it sitting in the cold all day, so I left it at home.  Well, my day didn't go as planned and I had time between stops and nothing much to do but watch the snow fall.  I had packed my lunch and ate it while driving, so I decided take my lunch by parking and walking around downtown.  It is interesting how you look at things different in the snow.  I thought I should come back sometime to snap some pictures but I would have to coordinate that with snow, and then while driving later I thought who that would make a nice picture, or that, but alas my camera sat at home.

Needless to say when I arrived home, I quickly snapped a few pictures, but the sun was going down, so not too many.

So thinking about looking at things differently, here is a quote I read twice in the last 24 hours.  Yesterday, I pulled it up on an old post Anna wrote on Alaska Bound's blog, and then this morning, someone referenced it in an article they wrote referencing her.

“The voyage of discovery is not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes.” - Marcel Proust

Now, who's ready for a snowball fight?

In Need of Fans

Well, the month is waning, and I am struggling, could it be I am running out of words.  Not likely, most likely just running out of steam from log days and short nights, but the nights are getting longer, so hopefully I will be well rested again soon and refocused.  However, unfortunately for Z, no time to loose focus as you have almost 22,000 words and just 5 days (unless your count is wrong on Zinc).  Come on Z, I want to hang out with you.  I know it has been a rough month, but here is to cheering you on.

Here is a little advice from a friend of mine -

Sometimes you miss the pot and the water runs out.

But all you have to do is wipe up after yourself.

Yes he did that all by himself.

Here I will share my good fans with you.

Seeing God

So I have been slacking...  I really have no real excuse other than I tend to be a late night poster and fatigue has been crowding in.  Also my solidarity partner, Z, was in town for a few days, so our solidarity was more in person and remembering a dear friend and processing grief with family and friends. So today, Z, has returned home and I will write a post that began in my head on Friday and has continued to run through my head and today came out strongly with the title "Seeing God."

In the midst of grief and loosing a friend, and working to find a way to be of support to a family left without their wife, daughter, and sister, I amazed at the many times I have seen God in the past week and a half.  Since going to Costa Rica this summer, the youth from church and I have been challenged to keep our eyes open and seek to see God working every day.  I will admit in the last month I have struggled to take time to pay attention each day and look specifically for God's hand, but I have been working to get back in the habit, especially as we just finished a Bible study at church about listening for the God speaking to us.  This week I must say God has shown me many times that he is here and working, in spite of the sorrow of loosing a friend.

It started even before last Sunday.  The first thing I keep thinking of happened even over a month ago.  My fall party.  I always enjoy the fall party and look forward to it, we were having some trouble finding a date, and someone said that maybe we would just not have one this year, I still wanted to do it, but it was a little frustrating, however as soon as it was known that Anna had asked when it would be, there was no question, it would happen.  I have never had it on a Sunday evening, but that is when it would work, so that is when it would be.  The day came and the weather was a little questionable, but I said as long as it wasn't raining, it would still happen.  A couple of people even called to ask about if it was still happening because it was raining.  I said it is not raining here, we are going ahead with it.  There were a few raindrops around, but they did not penetrate the wooded canopy where we gathered.  We had 50 guests, some new friends, some old friends, but all had an enjoyable time.  I had been worried that maybe Anna would not feel up to it, but she was able to come and stayed for most the afternoon/evening, they were just ready to leave as we arrived back from the hayride.  It was one of the best fall parties and I remember thanking God for keeping his umbrella over us that afternoon.

Going forward.  I think God was whispering in my ear that the time for Anna to go home was getting closer even though I didn't want to hear it.  Especially as last week progressed, even though I hadn't spoken with or seen Anna and Joe, possibly even since the fall party.  Things were quieter and the little pieces I would get were from my sister and from caring bridge, and in the back of my mind I began to realize she was struggling more, but I kept it there in the back of my mind.  However, it was there when  I sent an email to plan for another spa night, and when I asked friends about times for a get together sometime before New Year's, and it was there when I tried to reassure my sister when she would be discouraged.

Then on Friday morning, Anna  was on my mind and I thought I ought to send her a postcard, even though it didn't get there before Sunday, I think it was God giving me opportunity to look back without regret of thinking I hadn't been thinking of Anna the last few weeks.  And God even spoke to me encouragement through the words I wrote her when I looked back at the card this week (it was a touchnote postcard, so I had a copy on my account).  And Friday night as I was home with not much to do I decided to make taco soup to use up some lamb burger and a can of pinto beans I had.  I set out all the ingredients Friday night (except for the meat).  Saturday I woke up early and had it ready for the crockpot by 8 am.  I remember thinking this is ridiculous making a pot of soup for 10-12 people for just myself, but oh well, then just as I was ready to start it cooking, I thought to myself, I am going to Canton, I should see if mom wants to go and we will go to Bombay Sitar, I have been telling her a long time that I will take her.  I promptly called her and she said she would enjoy that.  I took the pot out and stuck it in the refrigerator, and remembering that we had a church carry in on Sunday decided to take it there, though in my mind I thought, I don't really want to take soup.  Well I didn't take soup to the carry in Sunday, God had provided lunch for a grieving family.

Saturday evening came and I was typing away on my blog, knowing that Friday evening Anna had gone on hospice.  I had gotten a message that I could come up to see her if I wanted, it was 11 o'clock and since I was typing away, I didn't see the message right away, and I don't usually go visiting neighbors at that hour, however I wasn't sure so I texted back now or tomorrow- still not really knowing how short time was, but didn't get an answer, so I went to bed after a bit.  I awoke around 4:40 am to find a couple returned texts, to come early Sunday morning and that it was probably the final hours and could I let my family know.  I am one who struggles to be bold and I didn't really want to show up at my neighbors at 5 am, so I trusted God would let me know if I needed to go sooner than later and I worked on a few things and got ready in something that I could wear for church, so that if I stayed a while I could go right to church if I wanted.  Strangely, I thought if it is her final hours I wanted to take a house warming gift - okay what kind of strange thought is that, the thing that came to me to take was a tin of Comfort and Joy tea.  I have no idea, but I can only attribute it to God, I just pray that it brings some Comfort and Joy to those grieving.  I put on the crockpot of soup and headed up to their house shortly after I had heard back from Joe to come anytime.  I was privileged to see Anna one last time, feel her squeeze my hand, tell her my sister wished she could be there, sing some songs with the family, and with her family, keep her company as she left this world for her home in heaven.  God's timing.  It brought comfort also to my sister and another close friend who both told me that they were glad that I could be there when they couldn't.  Trust God to orchestrate such things.

And yet there is more.  On Tuesday when things seemed to be getting harder, I set to typing on my blog in the evening and God opened my eyes to the good things that had happened, in spite of the things that seemed to be going wrong and grief more overwhelming, God had spoken to me, and continued to speak to me the rest of the week as he opened my eyes to good things when my focus could have been entirely different.

On to Thursday.  I was helping my mom at a fundraiser, helping lady's make Christmas craft projects and after lunch I was able to make a project myself if wanted.  I was waffling when an idea came to mind to combine two projects together and give it to Joe rather than flowers.  The one project was poetry spoons and with help from Janelle we found words that reminded us of Anna to put on them, we struggled a little with what words to put together to convey the way Anna kept on living while the cancer was trying to take her from us, finally we came up with "courage to live everyday", we both immediately said that is it.  Later that afternoon at the funeral, Joe spoke and during his reflections he said that exact phrase that she had courage to live everyday.  I have no idea if he liked the box we gave him, but once again I saw God's hand and I know it has its purpose.

One more thing to share, well two more.  Going to the calling hours, I knew my parents and sister were going a little after they started, but not too late since they had company in town, but we did not set a meeting time.  After work, I went home, had a terrible time deciding what to wear and headed out only to find myself only about 4 people behind them in line - yes I jumped the line.  Then on Saturday before the funeral, I had been at mom and dad's working with my sister on the poetry spoons and the final touches and mom kept after me, if you need to go home yet, you better get going.  Finally, I finished tinkering with the project, I headed home with only a little time to get ready if I wanted to get to the church around the time of the rest of my family.  When I got to the church, I didn't see them and couldn't locate anyone that I really knew to sit with, but I was feeling odd lurking at the back of the church perusing the crowd for my family and decided I would go ahead and sit.  As I sat there by myself, I prayed that whoever was seated next to me would be someone I knew so I wouldn't have to sit alone for the funeral.  I continued to pray as people continued to be seated all around, but the end of my bench remained empty.  God answered my prayer, as after a little while my good friend and housemate of 6 years, and her husband, were seated next to me.

Though you may not see the birds in the tree, I heard them, singing to the morning, as I left for work Friday morning, and though it was rainy, it made my day glorious despite my evening plans.

Keep your eyes open for God, he is all around us, but sometimes we forget to look.

Zoku...mmm...don't mind if I do....three years later.

So I finally broke down and bought something I have been ogling and window shopping for several years.  A Zoku popsicle maker.  And tonight I figured out how to use it.  So a good game of Hand and Foot with the brother and cousins and a few popsicles later,   I am ready for bed.

I am pretty sure I am pleased with the purchase...mmmmmm!

The Moon and Simple Evenings

Sorry, Z.  I should have more, but I just couldn't find it tonight, and I have a big day tomorrow, and I've been missing sleep, so I should get to bed and can't wait for the words to flow in fun and random patterns that will set you to smiling, so this is what you get.  Wish you could have been here to sit with me on the deck and watch the moon.  Perhaps tomorrow night.  P.S  I wrote this paragraph last as well as the title and now the words begin to flow, but I must go and sleep, so perhaps I will write about simple evenings another time.  Sometimes it is just good to be.

Okay I hope no one is reading this blog very quickly, because what it was today, I didn't really like, but now I have revamped it, so hopefully it is more to my liking and therefore more of me and more to your enjoyment, although I am going to steal my sister's words.  I woke early this morning to find my musings had been of help to Z.  thank you for sharing with me Z, you are a dear sister.  So I will leave advice for Z that was found in the original post, as well as advice for any who stumble upon it.

The moon tonight.

I read somewhere not to spend too much time checking the preview but pay attention to what you take and check it out later.  There is some truth to this, if you focus too much on what is on the preview, if you got it right or in broader terms if you have it perfect, you can miss so much.  Just like this moon, it is okay to just sit and enjoy it, as the camera will never truly capture the night and the moment.  Enjoy the moments too.  Got that Z, pay attention to the details, keep on living, and enjoy the moments too.

Some exerpts from a note from Z:

I am going to write you my thoughts here.  I thought about doing this in the comments, but half the time I get comments wrong and they disappear forever. I do not want this comment to you to disappear.
I thought today, or maybe it was the past several days at small moments, that my voice gentler in a reply or funnier or better, than it would have been before.  I thought perhaps a bit of praise or thanks or something has sprung from my lips a little easier. No I don't know what I mean.   That isn't quite right. But that's okay. I am realizing I am tired again now, and my thoughts are quieter. I can maybe go to sleep again now.  Thank you for writing your note. I woke up around 2. Hurting with a bone deep grief, still in the sweatshirt I've been wearing all the time that I am home, waking or sleeping since Sunday. And truthfully probably a lot of the waking time for the week before that.  I had gotten it, a zippered hoodie in black from the boys department at walmart for writing in nano, because for some reason i like a sweatshirt with a hood I can pull up over my head when I write, and I had thought another one in my closet would not go amiss. Then one day when I was wearing it in my prayer chair like a hug from God when I was praying because the news was not good about Anna, that I should buy her one and sent it to her. It is so comfy and warm, and maybe she could feel like I am near and hugging her, feel like a good hug since it is hurt for to be hugged or touched for so long. And that she might like something new when she couldn't go out to get it herself. And that it might make it easier to wear something comfortable but maybe not as nice now that she hurt so much.  And I prayed that I would find the right color. And the next morning, I went, and I found a green one (because all the colors except the one green and the black had been sold in the small size) and sent it to her. And then on Nov 10, she wrote me "well I have not done writing this weekend, but I hope you have. I LOVE my green hoodie by the way. thank you so much! don't think it's left my body since Friday."  And I have had a hard time not wearing mine too since then. Well, maybe a little less so over the past days. But I have been wearing it most of the time since maybe last Thursday. And to sleep too since Sunday.
Okay. Thank you for listening. And thank you for your note that was there when I woke up missing her so badly at 2 AM.  Finding like you said that each day has been missing her a little harder than the day before.

So some advice for others, take time to encourage someone, even when you don't know what to say sometimes.  And in those really tough times send a little prayer and God will give you the words, or give you an idea or a place to go.


Well, I tell you what, I have woke early, and thoughts are running through my mind again, so though I mostly edit posts for typos, this post was overhauled last night and is now being added to early Thursday morning.  I read somewhere if you are immediately editing blogs it is because you aren't being thoughtful in your posts, and you are probably wasting your reader's time.  Well I hope I am not wasting your time, but this just keeps going through my mind.    My inspiration for the post was because I was so glad I could be an encouragement to Z, and in turn in the note she wrote me she shared of being an encouragement to Anna.  Neither of us are in the same town, we couldn't give a hug to each other, but both of us were able to encourage the other in some small way.  So that was my post, but you know what the original post, the one I didn't like, Z read it, she read it before I edited it and just as I hit the update button last night on the revised post, I received a text.  Z, said it was just what she needed, and now it is lost forever, edited away.  Even though I hadn't known what to write and felt it forced, it had encouraged her.  Remember even when you don't know, God knows.     (Don't get me wrong, i like this post, and think it will be a joy to Z, but so was the other). 

Sounds Wafting on the Waves of Time

Breaking the rules tonight.  I'm laying on the couch, typing this post.  Sorry, but it is just one of those days, I would rather curl up under a blanket and let sleep overtake than type this post.  However, yesterday's pep talk is floating in the recesses of my mind.
Somehow, I didn't think today would be harder, but somehow it is.  I was going to find a new focus today, something different, but days don't always go as planned.  My morning started early with a grand plan(well maybe not grand, but one Anna would have appreciated, I mean it was snail mail after all), but as words flowed through my mind, i woke early and didn't fall back asleep, so I ended up fighting heavy eyes all days, and the day wasn't as bright as the morning.  So my grand plan was to send a postcard, one to go with the one I sent on Friday, but would arrive either with or before the previous postcard, but in order to do that I had to be at the post office in town, soon after it opened.  I carefully selected my postcard (didn't have time to make one, that takes more time and thought process than I had time for), neatly wrote my message, affixed the apple stamp, and set off for the post which opens at 8:30 AM.  Unfortunately, in order to drop it at the post office and make today's mail bag, I knew I wouldn't get to work as early as I anticipated (which was fine, because I knew i didn't have an appt till 10).  All went well ....until 8:55 AM, just over the viaduct, the light turned green and i headed for the office knowing I would be just a little earlier than my anticipated 9 o'clock adjusted arrival arrival.  Then I felt a jolt, initially I was so confused, didn't know what had happened, but then realized someone had hit me from behind.  So, it all worked out okay, but I was later than anticipated, still made it to my appts on time today.  Also it meant finding time for an estimate on my car, which worked out too, my coworker gave me the name of a good place on my way home from work and I stopped and got an estimate already.
However, standing on the streets of Massillon, reminded me of catching Anna on a walk, while I was going to see patients one day and she still lived in town.  Oh to be transported back to that day.  Just to say hello.  How is it that just knowing someone isn't there, makes you miss them all the more.  However tonight in my apartment, sounds are wafting through the waves of time, or almost are.  I stand in the kitchen and can almost hear her laugh.  My subconsious mind seems to be recalling a memory of her sitting my living room while I was in the kitchen, some one else must have been here, because honestly I can almost hear her laughing.
Well, Z, just so you know this exercise in writing tonight has helped me refocus.  It was the same day, and maybe still held some frustrations, but now I am focused on the fact that I got my postcard mailed - I wouldn't trade that even not to get rear ended, had a good day at work - which included washing, vacuuming, and wiping out my work car, I got my estimate done rather easily, and I had opportunity to read a poem Anna had shared several months ago - which I had really liked, though bittersweet,  I so love daffodils.

Here is the poem:

To Daffodils 
by Robert Herrick

Fair daffodils, we weep to see
You haste away so soon;
As yet the early-rising sun
Has not attain'd his noon.
Stay, say,
Until the hasting day 
Has run
But to the even-song; And, having pray'd together, we 
Will go with you along. 

We have short time to stay, as you,
We have as short a spring;
As quick a growth to meet decay
As you, or anything.
We die
As your hours do, and dry
Away 
Like to the summer's rain
Or as the pearls of morning's dew,
Ne'er to be found again. 

I can't pick you any daffodils this time of year, but take some time to write, Z, perhaps it will help you too.  Now Z, write....write......write.

Boggle Over the Phone

We have passed the mid way point of NaNoWriMo and now more than ever my effort at solidarity with my sister is needed.  She has lost a dear friend this week, one that was a fellow Nanoite at heart.  So as you struggle to find your writer's focus, I will give you a little pep talk.  You keep writing, I will keep up my daily blog.  Need an extra prompt.  I will give you one.  Put a little of her in your writing today.  I don't care what it is, but add a little piece of her.  It could be a birthday dinner at V-Li's or Broken Rocks, a bottle of Dry Soda, a episode of Firefly or Downton Abbey, or perhaps a game of Boggle over the phone.
Just remember this, when we were celebrating New Year's and you couldn't be with us, we played ...Boggle over the phone.  So though you weren't able to be there with us physically we all enjoyed your presence in the words you sent.  So pick a detail and use it for a prompt.  Use her in the details.

Here are some pictures looking at the details.

The details in the dress.

Holding hands.

This delicate sugar butterfly.

Did you notice the bunny was eating?

The details of the bicycle.

Details in the garden.

On the signage.

At the table.

At the fair.

In the home.  Once playing I spy, my brother hid a thimble in here.
It took me a while to catch that detail.

Now take your choice, pick your prompt, but pay attention to the details, not only here in the prompts, but in life.  Got that Z, keep on writing and on top of that keep on living.